Rat Tales

A Guide To Showering With Rats

Step 1: Decide how long you want to shower for. If the answer is "Less than half an hour", take Track A. If the answer is "As long as it takes", take Track B.

Track A

Step Two: Take Nico into the bathroom. Put him on the floor, and get in the shower.
Step Three: Watch Nico come bounding over to the shower door, let him in.
Step Three: Let Nico sit on your foot, grooming his fur and enjoying the water while you shower.
Step Four: Get out of the shower and dry off while Nico waits patiently on the edge of the bathtub.
Step Five: Dry Nico, who sits there bruxing.
Step Six: Get dressed, place Nico on your shoulder, go about your business.

Track B

Step Two: Take the girls into the bathroom. Put them on the floor, and get into the shower.
Step Three: Watch them bounce off walls for a few minutes before Psych arrives at the shower door and shoves at it with her nose.
Step Four: Let Psych into the shower, giggle as she starts leaping towards you and freezes when she realises she's getting wet.
Step Five: Peel Psych off ankle, wincing in pain.
Step Six: Enjoy a brief moment of peace as the girls bounce off walls again.
Step Seven: Groan as Psych returns to the shower and starts knocking over the bottles of shampoo.
Step Eight: Lyrik arrives and begs to be let in. Let her in, and watch as she panics when the water hit her.
Step Nine: Peel Lyrik off ankle, losing skin in the process.
Step Ten: Get out of the shower, walking in a shuffle so mad rats don't get stepped on.
Step Eleven: Attempt to dry off while Psych grabs for the towel.
Step Twelve: Nab rats, who struggle mightily as you attempt to dry them.
Step Thirteen: Psych makes a flying leap from the side of the bathtub. Whimper as she slides down your naked skin, hanging on with all claws.
Step Fourteen: Try to get dressed. The rats help by trying to climb up your pants as you pull them on.
Step Fifteen: Put a shirt on, while the rats swing from your bra.
Step Sixteen: Put the girls back in their cage, tell them they are monsters, and go nurse your wounds.